By now, everyone on earth knows ISIS, the bearded crazy band of Muslim fanatics (much worse than Al CIAda), terrorizing the planet. Some of us, more savvy humans, have heard about ISIS#2 the Israeli Secret Intelligence Service (who many of us believe is behind ISIS#1). But very few know about ISIS#3, the Arizona based, corporate incarnation, jack-of-all-things-military that has captured large swathes of US government and corporate security contracts, ever since the US invaded Iraq (what a coincidence). Yes, according to their website, the US and ISIS have been working hand in hand, all this time:

ISIS professionals can be found working side by side with the U.S. Armed Forces, U.S. Government and Prime Contractors on the ground in such strategic environments as the Middle East.

Among ISIS’s core capabilities are Cultural Awareness, Doctrine Writers, and Role Playing. Who would have guessed? They even have their own instructors and curriculum/scenario development, charged with the difficult task of making up new ways to justify their existence. ISIS even has its own Policy and Procedures Re-engineering Analysts who make it very easy for governments who hire them to dispense with their democratic processes.

Naturally, I found all this very intriguing: three sets of ISIS (that we know of) around the world, all operating in the same geopolitical and military theaters, replete with training centers. Assuming arguendo that this is all one happy coincidence and not some hair-brained idea by psycho-megalomaniacs who don’t bother checking with their counterparts before they name their new boogeymen, I wondered what would happen if ISIS met ISIS and ISIS in the middle of the desert:

ISIS! It’s ISIS!!! run for your lives! (doesn’t matter who says it. works either way) …

Sorry, wrong ISIS! They’re training camp is down the road …

ISIS, you will never rule the world! We, ISIS, will rule it instead!!!

Aha! ISIS! Foiled again! Ah, saved by ISIS!!!

It’s all so confusing. I can’t imagine how they manage to tell each other apart. I’m sure the fake beards help. Well, at least for the audience.